Fishing

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she hadendured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, thetherapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife tostand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

Oops!

To my darling husband,Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you willforgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

XXX

Winning the lottery.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into thehouse. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,pack your bags. I won the lottery!"The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountainstuff?""Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."